what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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