I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
