Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
There's always time for handjobs
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
