i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize