What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
