apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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