Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Randomize
