He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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