The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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