just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize