A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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