I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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