I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
