The maid of honor just puked.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
