i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I cannot find my penis.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
