If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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