If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
