so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
