NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
