i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
