why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
