apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
