U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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