Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize