I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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