I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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