just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
