highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
