i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
