Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
