I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
