You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
