Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
