Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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