y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
