I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
