Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
