...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
