so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
