We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
