Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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