the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
