So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
