How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
