I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
