All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
