Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
