i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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