I need help removing her.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
