Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
