Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
operation have a gay friend backfired
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
