If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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