dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize