so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
