i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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