I want to make a zoo with you.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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