no, he came in my armpit
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
