it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
