i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
