Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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