I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
