I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just googled if crying burns calories
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
