but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
