The maid of honor just puked.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
