Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize