I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
