She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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