Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
