tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
