Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
