I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
