I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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