Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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