I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i dont even know how to be here
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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