do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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